Recent Posts From All Categories

Frantic Call

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.

“I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” the caller said.

“Well, let’s see. Do you feel any symptoms? Are you light-headed?” my colleague asked.

“No,” the caller answered, “I’m a brunette.”

Dad’s in Trouble

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that her battery was dead. She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to dad.

After junior had called, he got back to his mother to inform her that it was a lady that picked up his Dad’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.

The woman waited impatiently for her husband to return from work. As soon as she sighted him in the driveway, she ran out and gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated to slap him and call him names. Neighbors rushed around to know the cause of this.

Finally, between the slaps, them man was able to figure out what happened and called for his son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

The son said “The number you are trying to call is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later.”

Investigation

One night a lady with a black eye stumbled into a police station. She told the desk sergeant that she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye.

“Did you get hit by the same attacker?” his captain asked.

“No, sir,” he replied. “I stepped on the same rake.”

Advice

A little boy was sitting outside a store eating one snickers candy bar after another, when an older man walked up and said, “You shouldn’t be eating so much candy, it’ll rot your teeth, it’s just bad for you to eat so much candy.”

The little boy looked up and said, “My grandfather lived to be 95 years old”.

The older man asked: “Oh? by eating snickers candy bars?”

The little boy said: “No, by minding his own business.”

In-Flight Discipline

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

Page 8 of 1,042« First...678910...203040...Last »