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A blonde goes for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, “Ehhhh … 22!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, “Mandy!”
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “Just out of curiosity, Miss. I can understand you counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when I asked you your name?’
“Ohh that!”, replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted crazy then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb. He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office.
My co-worker started to follow me, and the boss asked her, “And where do you think you’re going?” She said, “I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark.”
Mr. Johnson’s wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: “We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young.” He thought it over and agreed.
He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said “I’ve been thinking, there’s no reason we can’t go for a month.”
Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant.
When he returned his wife said, “Since the children are on their own, what’s stopping us from cruising the world?”
He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant.
The pharmacist finally had to ask: “You know, Mr. Johnson, I don’t mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?”
A woman went to her psychologist because she was having severe problems with her sex life.
The psychologist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?”
“Well, yes, I did last time,” she replied.
“How did he look?” the psychologist asked.
“Very angry,” she said.
“We must look into this further.” said the psychologist. “You say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it happen that you saw his face that time?”
“He was looking through the window at us,” she answered.
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! She said, “I have some really great news! I’m pregnant!!!”
I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!” Then she said, “There’s more.”
I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said “Well, I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”