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When someone…
When someone says, ‘Expect the unexpected.” I slap them and say, ‘You didn’t expect that, did you?
Retirement Money
Shirley and Abe, a rich retired couple from New York City living in Miami Beach, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, “Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?”
Abe says, “I don’t care.”
A few minutes later, Shirley says, “Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?”
Abe says, “Your choice.”
A few more minutes pass, and Shirley says, “Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pearl diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?”
Abe says, “Shirley, I really don’t care what you wear, but if you don’t get moving, we’re going to miss the Early Bird Special.”
They say…
They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.
Math Question
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade math teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what amount of money does each party get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitantly called on Johnny for his answer.
With complete confidence, Johnny answered, “I figure they each get a good lawyer.”
Some days…
Some days at work, I just wonder which level of hell is this?
Counterfeit Money
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small, rural, out-of-the-way town. So he got into his new, fine car, and off he went.
He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. “Can you change this for me, please?” he said.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and told the man, “Sure, Mister. You want two $9s or three $6s?”