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Declaration of Independence
This teacher had a little boy in her class who really struggled to learn.
One day she asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence, but of course the boy didn’t know.
Hoping she would care to learn, she asked him every day for a week, but still he couldn’t give the right answer.
Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to come and see her. When he arrived, she said to him, “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence.”
The father turned to his son and said, “Johnny, if you signed that thing, why don’t you just admit it so we can get out of here?”
Smoking…
Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it.
Doctor’s Warning
An old, hearing-impaired gentleman visited his doctor. At the end of the visit, his doctor warned him that he had a heart murmur and thus should be careful.
Not even a week later, the doctor was surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up. He got his attention and took him aside. “Don’t you remember what I told you the other day?” he inquired.
“Oh, I surely do,” the old gentleman replied. “The best damn advice I ever got. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mama, and I’m cheerful.”
I hate it…
I hate it when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
Romantic Poem
A DC poet’s organization hosted a competition for a two-line poem in which the first line must be the most romantic, but the second line should be the least romantic. This is the winner:
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
This describes everything you are not.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My feelings for you, no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’
What inspired this amazing rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime!
With the rise…
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.