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A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”
There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each (you get the picture)
The first blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat.” With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.
The second blonde says, “I need to get off this island, I need jetski.” With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.
The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says,” Just give me a million dollars, I’ll take the bridge.”
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
“Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained.
“She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts.”
He continued, “She communicates well and I act like I’m listening.”
Four friends spent weeks planning a perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Rob’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
“Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me, put her hands over my eyes and said ‘guess who’?”
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed, she had handcuffs and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed so I did. Then she said, ‘Now, you can do whatever you want.’ So here I am.”