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The Perfect Scam
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the
following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply
imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people
place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present
law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So
they return their customers’ money in the form of a company check. However, due
to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: “The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.”
Told my…
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we’re married and live together so I’d have to see them every day.
Will Reading
A lawyer meets with the entire family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
“To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,” the attorney reads.
“To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business, and $1 million.”
“And finally,” the lawyer concludes, “to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!”
Pavolov walks…
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “Damn, I forgot to feed the dog.”
Double Duty
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town’s veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.
An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?”
“He is, but tell me, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?” the wife asked.
“Both!” was the reply. “We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar’s leg in it!”
Angelic Assistance
An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time.
Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground. Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, “All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!”
With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse’s back—and fell off the other side.
From the ground again, he called out, “All right, just half of you angels this time!”