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Wedding Gift

Martha had a wedding to go to and needed a wedding gift, but she procrastinated and ended up having to come up with something a couple days before the wedding.
She thought about it and finally decided, “Aha, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I’ll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present.”
Happy with her idea, she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on.
The silversmith took a look at the tray, shook his head, and said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. This can only be done so many times!”

A clean…

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Secret Problems

A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone.
Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister. “I’m really concerned about the secret I have been keeping from my fiancee,” the young man said. “I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”
“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.” The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.
Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife.
“I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day! My morning breath is so awful, I worry my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!’
“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.” The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.
For several months after the wedding, the couple managed to keep their issues to themselves.
Then one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, making lots of noise.
His bride woke with a start and blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”
“I was looking for my sock,” the young man wailed. “But it seems that you have swallowed it!”

Important Decisions

A young man couldn’t decide which girl to date. He liked one girl named Anna, but he really liked another one named Maria, too. He decided to ask his friend for advice.
“I can’t decide which girl to date. How do you make important decisions?” he asked his friend.
“Well, I go to church,” replied his friend. “Then I look up and pray, and usually the answer just comes to me.”
The young man decided to try just that. He went to church, looked up to pray, smiled, and left the church.
The next day, he saw his friend and happily announced, “I did what you told me to. I went to church, got my answer, and I didn’t even need to pray.”
His friend was surprised. “What do you mean you didn’t even have to pray?”
“Well,” the young man replied. “When I looked up, the answer was written in gold above a stained-glass window. It read: Ave Maria.”

My girlfriend…

My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters, but if I take one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk.”

To the…

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!

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