Home
A Russian, Mexican, and Texan
A Russian, a Mexican, and Texan are out riding horses.
The Russian pulls out an expensive bottle of Vodka, takes a long
draught, then another and suddenly throws it into the air, pulls
out his gun and shoots the bottle in midair.
The Mexican looks at him and says, “What are you doing? That was
a perfectly good bottle of Vodka!”
The Russian says, “In Russia, there is plenty of Vodka and the
bottles are cheap.”
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Mexican pulls out
a bottle of Tequila, takes a few sips, throws the Tequila into
the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in midair.
The Texan can’t believe his eyes, “What the hell did you do that
for? That was a perfectly good bottle of Tequila!”
The Mexican says, “In Mexico, we have plenty of Tequila and
bottles are cheap.”
So, awhile later, the Texan pulls out a bottle of Beer. He opens
it, takes a sip, and then chugs the whole bottle. He then puts
the bottle in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, and shoots the
Mexican.
The Russian, shocked, says, “Why the hell did you do that?!”
The Texan replies, “In Texas, we have plenty of Mexicans and the
bottles are worth a nickel.”
What is this?
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?””Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.”I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”
Fun With Fast Food!
These are best to be used at Burger King or McDonald’s. (all of
these have been done before. their so funny when you do them)
1. when making your order inside or out start your order then
say waite a minutes and then change it again keep doing this
repeatedly (example:”yes id like a burger and fries no wait id
like chicken sandwitch no wait…keep going)
2. go through the drive through walking
3. ask for only one question package then go back every other
minute asking for only one more
4. right before you leave when theres a lot of customers start
screaming there’s a hair on my burger!
5. on the self refill things fill your cup up with one kind of
pop then dump it out and fill it up with another keep going
until someone says something to you.
6. order in a different language
7. pour out all the salt on the table and yell “its snowing its
snowing”
8. ask the the people working if they could put more hamburger
on this ketchup.
9. when ordering burp or fart at least ten times then look at
the people you dont know next to you and say this isnt the time
or place for releaving your gas the bathroom is right over there
10. sit down by yourself and just laugh histarically
Nut house
A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane asylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods. They begin by visiting some of the patients.
The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is practicing ballet. One of the psychiatrist asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I’m studying ballet so when I get out of here I can possibly join a troupe and be a productive member of society.” “Wow, that’s wonderful.”
The next person was a man reading a book with a pile of books next to him. The same question asked to him, “What are you doing?” “I’m studying biology, chemistry, etc. So I can enter medical school when I get out”
Room after room, they witnessed the incredible success and attitudes of the patients. Until they finally reached a room the asylums director was reluctant to open. Finally, he was persuaded to open it. Inside was a man balancing a peanut on his penis. The reaction of the psychiatrist, “My God what are you doing?” The man replied: “I’m fucking nuts and I’m never getting out of here”
Pick-Up Rebuttal Humor
1.) Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I was the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”
2.) Man: “So, wanna go back to my place? ” Woman: “Well, I don’t know.
Will two people fit under a rock?”
3.) Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.
” Woman: “No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.”
4.) The most memorable rebuttal to a turn-down (used by the guy who
used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused:
Man: “Want to Dance?”
Woman: “No, thank you.
“Man: “Don’t thank me, thank God because somebody asked you.”
5.) Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”
6.) Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “Female impersonator.”
7.) Man: “You know, I’d really love to travel to exotic places with you.”
Woman: (tries to ignore him)
Man: “You know what? I also love sex.. What do you say to that?”
Woman: “Hmmm you really love sex and travel?”
Man: (nods his head smiling)
Woman: “Then go take a fuckin’ hike!!!”
8.) I like the line I once heard in a movie. This guy was trying to pick up this girl, and she said to him, “Can you pound a railroad
spike through a 2×4 with your hard-on?” To which he merely shudders a negative. She says, “Well, a girl’s gotta have her standards.”
9.) Man: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: “Je voudrais bien, mais je n’ai rien a porter.”
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
10.) Q: What sign were you born under?
A: No Parking.
11.Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized, fuck off!”
12.) After hearing a pick-up line:
Woman: “I like your approach, now let’s see your departure.”
13.) A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60’s approach her in a club while she was in college with the line, “Where have you been all my life?” She took one glance at him and said, “For the first half of it, I probably wasn’t born yet.”
14.) A friend of mine came up with a very quick response over vacation. We were walking down the street and I glanced at a girl who had just walked by. She turned around and said to me, “What are you looking at?” My friend, walking next to me came to the rescue, “He thought you were good looking, but he was mistaken.”
15.) While at college, a few friends were discussing how their “passes” had been rejected by the intended female recipient. One of the ladies explained how she handled it once.
When the guy, obviously getting irritated, blurted out something like, “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason!”
She responded, “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”
He immediately blanched, and decided that maybe he would look someplace else.
16.) The attractive young woman was sitting at the bar, alone, when the lounge lizard made his move.
“I’m here,” he breathed huskily, “to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”
The woman turned and looked at him. Her lips parted and she moistened them with the tip of her tongue. She leaned toward him with her hands on her thighs, and her eyes opened to the size of dinner plates.
She paused just a second and then delivered the crusher line, “Well is it the size of donkey or Doberman?”
what is the difference between
what is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a scum sucking bottom dewler and the other is a fish.