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Bill Gates In Hell
Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.”
“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
“That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all?”
“That’s what everyone thinks,” snickered Satan. “But the bottle has a hole in it!”
“Why the PC?”, he continued “, “It’s got the latest version of Windows and it’s missing three keys!”
“Which three?” said Lucifer.
“Control, Alt and Delete!”
Deshaci�ndose del gato Toda angustiada,
Deshaci�ndose del gato
Toda angustiada, una mujer se dirige con su amiga y le comenta que el gato que compr� la tiene harta. La amiga le sugiere deshacerse de �l dej�ndolo en el basurero municipal. Al d�a siguiente, la mujer regresa nuevamente triste. Intrigada, la amiga le pregunta que qu� hab�a pasado con el gato y �sta le contesta:
“�El maldito gato volvi� a la casa y no se perdi�!”
“Esta vez vas al basurero y m�s adelante vas a encontrar un lago; dale dos vueltas y d�jalo en el �rbol que est� junto al lago. Ver�s que el gato no vuelve m�s a tu casa”.
Al d�a siguiente llega nuevamente triste:
“�El maldito gato regres� a la casa!”
“Bueno, esta vez te vas al basurero y sigues hasta el lago; le das dos vueltas y llegas al �rbol; pasas por el puente y te metes por el t�nel que hay all�. Al salir, bajas las escaleras que te llevan al zool�gico; das treinta pasos y sales por la puerta de emergencia; lo dejas en el pozo y ver�s que el gato no vuelve m�s a la casa”.
Al otro d�a cuando llega la amiga, curiosa la mujer le pregunta:
“�Qu� pas�?”
“Si no es por el maldito gato… �Me pierdo!”
Immature Wife
My wife is so immature, every time I take a bath, she comes in and sinks my little boats!
Frist-Graders
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave
each child in the class the first half ot the proverb, and asked
them to come up with the rest. Hers are the children’s responses.
Better to be safe than…………….punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the………………….bug is close.
It is always darkest before………..daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of……termites.
You can lead a horse to water but…..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………..looks dirty.
No news is……………………….impossible.
A miss is as good as a…………….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog…………math.
If you lie down with dogs, you……..will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust…………………..me.
The pen is mighter than……………the pigs.
An idle mind is…………………..the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there’s………pollution.
Happy is the bride who…………….gets all the presents.
A penny saved is………………….not much.
Two is company, three’s……………The musketeers.
None are so blind as………………Helen Keller.
Children should be seen not………..spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed………get new batteries.
When the blind lead the blind………get out of the way.
There is no fool like……………..Aunt Edie.
Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you,
cry and………………………..you have to blow your nose.
Get out of something what you………see pictured in the box.
Just A Juggalo
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says.”Why do you have all those knives?””They’re for my juggling act,” the man says.”I don’t believe you,” says the cop.”Prove it.” So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.”Man,” says the first guy.”I’m glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.”