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Dear alma…
Dear alma mater, please don’t send wealth management workshop invites to those of us who majored in creative writing.
Diet day…
Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Adrift in a Boat
Two friends were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally, one of them, feeling hopeless, began to pray.
“Oh Lord,” he prayed, “I’ve broken most of thy commandments. I’ve been a hard drinker; I cheated on my wife; I gambled, but if my life is spared …”
“Wait a minute, Jack,” interrupted his friend. “Before you promise anything, I think I see a sail.”
Yesterday, I fell..
Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.
Insurance Policy
Larry’s barn burned down, and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand dollars, and I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”
There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”
A tree…
A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree. “Here, I killed your friend. Hold him.”