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Drinking House Keeper

Joe was a house keeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss’s liquor bottle and replacing it with water. The boss, James, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while. But when this became a daily routine, James decided to do something to trap Joe.
Accordingly, James replaced his drink with a French wine which changed color when water was added to it. Joe, not aware of the trap, took a few swigs and added water as usual. The wine changed color from red to milky white. Joe realized he was in for trouble but was determined to get out of it.
James told his wife about Joe’s misdoings and that he would make Joe accept his follies. So he shouted: “Joe? “
Joe answered from the kitchen: “Yes boss?”
James: “Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?” There was no answer from the kitchen. The boss repeated the question, still no answer. The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, “What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with ‘Yes Boss’ and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What impertinence?”
Joe said: “It is like this. In the kitchen, you can hear only your name being called. You don’t hear anything else that is said, I swear.”
James: “How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong. You stay right here in the hall with Madam, I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question, OK?” So the boss went to the kitchen.
Joe shouted: “Boss?”
Boss: “Yes Joe?”
Joe: “Who becomes intimate with the maid in Madam’s absence?”
Silence – no reply.
Joe again: “Who made the maid pregnant?”
No reply.
Joe, yet again: “And who arranged for her abortion?”
James came running from the kitchen and said: “By George, you are right. When one is in kitchen, one can’t hear anything but one’s name. That’s strange!”

Severe Grieving

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?”

The mourner answered, “My wife’s first husband! … Why did you die? Why did you die?”

The Hereafter

Her minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called “the hereafter.”

She said to him, “I think about it many times a day.”

“Oh, really?” said the minister. “That is very wise.”

“It’s not a matter of wisdom,” she replied. “It’s when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, ‘What am I here after?’”

Handsome Tip

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher, “This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip.”

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, “The wife did it.”

Photo Day

On the school’s photo day the children had all been photographed in their nice outfits. After the photo session, the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

With a wide smile she said, “Pictures are keepsakes forever. Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There is Jennifer, she is a lawyer now’; or ‘That is Michael, he is a Doctor now’, or “Remember Johnny? He was always making jokes in class.'”

In the back of the room, Johnny sounded off “And here is the teacher, she is dead now!!!”