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Stuck in Mud

During training exercises, the Lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he encountered another car stuck in the mud, with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.

“Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

“Nope,” replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, “Yours is!”

Art History

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country’s greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.

At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. “Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.”

“Oh my, “the grandmother says. “He and I must have the same landlord.”

How Old?

A math teacher asked her student, “Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?”

After a few moments, Billy answered, “It depends.”

“It depends on what?” she asked.

“It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”

After Surgery

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. After a short nap, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!”
The wife was disappointed. She asked her husband’s doctor, “When my husband first woke up, he called me beautiful, but just a minute ago, he woke up again and called me cute. What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
The doctor replied, “The drugs are wearing off.”

Early Call

A man was the first to arrive at work one morning. The phone rang and he answered. When the caller asked for some specific information, the man explained that it was before normal business hours but that he would help if he could.

“What’s your job there?” the caller asked.

The man replied, “I’m the company president.”

There was a pause. Then the caller said, “I’ll call back later. I need to talk to someone who knows something about what’s going on.”