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Three Nurses
Three nurses arrive at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives.
“Okay,” he says, “Come on in!”
The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too.
St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question.
She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company.
St. Peter replies, “Okay, come on in, but you can only stay three days.”
I’m in a long…
I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.
Red Haired Baby
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician Dr. Cohen.
“Doctor,” Mr. Spiegel said, “I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”
“Nonsense,” the doctor said, “even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”
“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “This can’t be, our families on both sides had jet black hair for generations.”
“Well,” said the doctor, “let me ask you this, how often do you have sex?”
Mr. Spiegel seemed a bit ashamed. “Well, I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”
“There you have it!” the doctor said confidently. “It’s just rust.”
Unfortunate Switch
A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand.
“Sit down and tell me how it happened,” says the doctor.
“I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear.”
“What about the other ear and your hand?” the doctor asked.
She replied, “I tried to call for an ambulance.”
If I could meet…
If I could meet my brain the first thing I would probably say is: “It was truly and sincerely horrible working with you.”