Breaking Bad News

A man goes on a two month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.

So how is my cat doing?

He’s dead, said his brother.

He’s dead!? What do you mean he’s dead! I loved that cat. Couldn’t you think of a nicer way to tell me! I’m leaving in 3 days. You could have broke me to the news easier. You could have told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could have told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could have told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.

I’m sorry, you’re right, that was insensitive I won’t let it happen again, replied his brother.

Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?

His brother sighted and said, She’s up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, “I don’t THINK so.”

Dorm Rules

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

“The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Second violation will be a $60 fine. Third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

A male student inquired, “How much for a season pass?”