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Going to temple……
Going to temple/church/mosque doesn’t make you a human, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car…
Get a Lift
When his son asked for a lift in his car just to get to the end of their road, his father told him: “You should be ashamed. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.”
“Really?” said the boy. “Well, when he was your age, he was president!”
Terrible Compulsion
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his member into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill declined saying that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong “What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.
Bill said, “Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my member into the pickle slicer?”
“Oh Bill, you didn’t,” she said.
“Yes, I did,” said Bill.
“My God, Bill, what happened?”
“I got fired.”
“No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?”
“Oh, she got fired too.”
Whoever told you…….
Whoever told you to be yourself could not have given you a worse advice.
Wife’s Come Back
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off your butt!”
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. “What the heck is this??” he said to himself as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out.
“April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”
She replied with a snicker, “It’s not talcum powder…It’s Miracle Grow!”