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Used Car
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn’t find any buyers.
She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. “235,000 miles.” Her friend told her that was the problem. Then the blonde’s friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000.
Two days later the blond’s friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles.
The blonde told her, “Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”
”They say good….
“They say good things take time… That’s why I’m always late.”
”Why would someone….
“Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?”
Dangerous Age
An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model.
He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date.
The doctor looks him over and says, “Bill, you seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing.”
“What’s that?”, asks the millionaire.
“At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care, it could be really deadly” the doctor replies.
On the wedding night, Bill and his wife retire to their newlyweds suite and the young bride undresses down to a sexy lingerie. Bill admires his beautiful new wife and remembering what his doctor said, thinks to himself, “What the hell, if she dies, she dies.”
”Oh, you hate….
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Need Money
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it.
Mom said, ‘Sure, sweetie. I’ll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?’
‘Uh, oh yeah, OK,’ responded the kid.
So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
When she gets back, Dad asked, ‘Well how much did you give the boy this time?
Mom said, ‘Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000′
‘That’s $1020!!!’ yelled Dad, ‘Are you crazy???’
‘Don’t worry hon,’ Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, ‘I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19!’