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I Want A Little Pussy
A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who’d made the rounds of the campus.
Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course, he explained reassuringly. This girl knows what the score is, and she’s even a natural blonde.
The roommate arranged the date as promised. The freshman was delighted by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and dancing. On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in a cold sweat, and blurted out, “Gosh, I sure would love to have a little pussy.”
“I would too,” sighed the blonde, “Mine’s the size of a goddamn milk pail.”
A good dumb blonde joke
one day a brunnet a redhead and a blonde were stranded on an island becouse there car stopped so they started to look around to see if they could find a way out so the brunnet took some food the redheadhed took some water and the dumb blonde took the car door the redhead and the blonde asked the brunnet why she took some food she said; ii case i get hungry and the brunnet and the dumb blonde asked the redhead why she brought water she answered; in case i get thirsty and so the brunnet and the redhead turned around and asked the dumb blonde why she took the car door and she answered; in case i get hot.
Lawyer Lines
Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is something about this respected profession that commands our disrespect. One must always be careful about offending lawyers, of course, because you wouldn’t want to face one in court. Or would you? Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in the court room. Perhaps they ain’t so bright after all….
1. “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
2. “The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?”
3. “Were you present when your picture was taken?”
4. Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Did you check for breathing?”
A: “No.”
Q: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
A: “No.”
Q: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
A: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
Q: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
A: “It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
5. “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”
6. “Did he kill you?”
7. “How far apapt were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
8. “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
9. “How many times have you committed suicide?”
10. Q: “So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And what were you doing at that time?”
11. Q: “She had three children, right?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “How many were boys?”
A: “None.”
Q: “Were there any girls?”
12. Q: “You say the stairs went down to the basement?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”
13. Q: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
A: “I went to Europe, Sir.”
Q: “And you took your new wife?”
14. Q: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
A: “By death.”
Q: “And by who’s death was it terminated?”
15. Q: “Can you describe the individual?”
A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
Q: “Was this a male, or a female?”
16. Q: “Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?”
A: “No, this is how I dress when I go to work.”
17. Q: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
A: “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”
18. Q: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
A: “Oral.”
19. Q: “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
A: “The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..”
Q: “And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?”
A: “No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.”
20. Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
A: “I have been since early childhood.
In every work of genius
In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.
One wish
Once a very rich man and his dog were sailing at sea. Suddenly a very severe storm lashed at the boat and gale force winds tossed the fragile boat. After many days the sea dumped them both onto an uninhabited island. The boat was completely smashed . The deserted island was barren except for many bones, a freshwater lake, and some cats.
The man became extremely depressed as he realised that rescue from the remote island was not likely. He missed the life he had left behind. He kept remembering his grand mansion, the luxury cars, the exotic restaurants and all the partying.
In contrast to him, his dog was loving the life on the island. There were hundreds of bones to chew , nice cool freshwater to drink and even dozens of cats to chase.
The man, however, was feeling more and more down and was missing his previous fantastic life. Then after many years, just as things looked hopeless, their fortunes changed dramatically .While playing on the beach, the dog found a magic lamp and quickly took it to his master. With great joy the man vigorously rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out. After stretching himself the Genie spoke;
“I was trapped for three thousand years and thanks to the two of you I am finally free. As a gesture of my gratitude , I will grant ONE wish to each of you.”
The Genie went to the man first;
“What is your one wish? Think carefully since this is the only wish I can grant you.”
The man, running around with joy said;
” What is there to think ! Send me back to my luxury mansion. My life will be back to normal. I can already think of a good restaurant to go for dinner. After that I will….”
As the man was talking there was a “POOF!” and he disappeared back to his previous life of luxury.
The Genie then went to the dog;
“What is your one wish? Think carefully since this is the only wish I can grant you.”
Unlike the man, the dog thought a lot;
” I really can’t complain. There are plenty of bones to chew on and a lot of freshwater to drink. The cats are a joy to chase and the weather is great. I suppose the only thing is that this island is a bit lonely, specially after my master left. I wish he was here…”
“POOF!”
The man reappeared on the island and having granted the wishes, the Genie vanished.
Submitted by DogtoGod.com
Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
Fudd’s First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over.