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You Are What You Eat

One Halloween, Anthony and his friend Stephen been walkin
the main street with plans to egg places and people. None had
the gusts to throw an egg, but just because nothing was going
on, Stephen spoke up and said, “Hey Anthony, why aren’t you
throwin any eggs? Are ya scared?”
“Scared of what?” Anthony snapped back.
“Aw, you’re scared. Man, you’re a pussy I swear.” Shot back
Stephen.
“Your are what you it right? I guess that makes you shit,”
Anthony replied as he threw an egg at Stephen’s face.

To invent the other side

Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A: To invent the other side.

Whos driving?

There was an American and a british guy in a car whos driving?

THE COPS!

A gay joke

Two gay guys, Larry and Casey, lived together.One day, it was really hot and Larry came home and found Casey with his ass in the freezer.Larry exclaimed,”Casey, what the hell are you doing with your ass in the freezer?!?”Casey replied, “It’s so hot outside that I thought you would like something cool to slip into.”

Tickle Me Elmo

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made “Tickle me Elmo dolls”. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn’t keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said, “Lady, I said to give each doll Two—-Test—-Tickles.”

What Women Want

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.The Question: What do women really want?Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he’d have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur as horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur’s question:What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur’s life and granted him total freedom.What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached.Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she’d been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament:During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?What would you do?What Gawain chose follows below, but don’t read until you’ve made your own choice……………………………………………………….Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself!Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.Isn’t that beautiful?But really now, what is the moral of this story?If you don’t respect women, things are gonna get ugly!

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