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Did you hear…..
Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.
Foot Race
Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck.
As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run, too!”
”What doesn’t kill…….
“What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”
Getting into Heaven
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. “1,228,” he answered.
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
THANKS TO YOU……..
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Uncle Johnny
One day Adam’s teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day’s class.
One boy came in and said, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch�.
The second boy said, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”
Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, “I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral, and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was homework.” The teacher said, “What is the moral, Johnny?”
� DON�T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE’S DRINKING!!!”