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High Prices
A man was traveling far from home and stopped at a store off the highway. He asked the clerk how much was a cold drink, the clerk said $3. The man said: “That’s too high! How much is a bag of chips?” The clerk said $4. The man said: “That’s too high! How much for the cookies on the top shelf?” The clerk said $2. The man said: “OK, I will take those.” The clerk replied: “I can’t reach those, don’t you see the hump on my back?” The man said: “I’m sorry, I thought that was your butt, everything else in here is too high.”
A White Lie Cure
A woman went to the doctor’s office with chronic hiccups. She was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the hallway screaming.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. He then marched down the hallway to the first doctor’s room.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded. “This woman is 68 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!”
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”
”If at first……
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
”When people ask……
”When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
Indian Chief’s Wisdom
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.
“Chief Two Eagles,” asked one official, “You have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his material wealth. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done.”
The chief nodded that it was so.
The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, “When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all housework, medicine man free, Indian man all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex.”
Then the chief leaned back and shook his head, “White man dumb enough to think that was bad system and needed changing.”
”Just because ………
“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”