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Behavior Modificators
The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification re-enforcers”.
Alarmed that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment or insurance fraud, she called the physician’s office to inquire.
“What on earth are behavior modification re-enforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.
No one has…
No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening. Think about it.
70% of our…
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
Feeling of Remorse
After her conviction of murder in the second degree, the District Attorney, during the sentencing hearing said to the defendant, “Mrs. Packard, after you put the arsenic in the stew and served it to your husband, didn’t you feel even a little remorse for what you were doing?”
“I did,” the defendant calmly.
“And when was that?” quipped the D.A.
“When he asked for seconds!” came the reply.
My nephew …
My nephew found a cassette tape in my house. It was like watching early man discovered fire.
Bloodthirsty Natives
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, “I’m screwed.”
There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: “No you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief.”
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash in the head of the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the lifeless body. Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: “Okay…….NOW you’re screwed!”