Never trust atoms; they make up everything.
Sarcastic One-Liners
I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.
My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
You are the human equivalent of a participation award.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
''I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly."