You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
Sarcastic One-Liners
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them...
My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
People say that laughter is the best medicine...my face must be curing the world!
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.