"Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day."
Sarcastic One-Liners
“When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.”
“It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.”
A mother & daughter go out looking for Barbie Dolls, but can't find any prices in the shop, so they ask an assistant to help. "This is Single Barbie, she cost £20, and this is Married Barbie, she costs £40, and this one is Divorced...
“If everything seems to be going well, you have overlooked something.”
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."
"An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true."
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow .Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
"I always say 'Morning' Instead of 'good morning' Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people."
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!