“When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.”
Sarcastic One-Liners
"You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.”
Always remember that you are absolutely unique... Just like everyone else...
“Life’s good, you should get one.”
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.”