"I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently 'a way out' wasn't the right answer."
Sarcastic One-Liners
I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff... and I want it (:
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
“Sarcasm the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
“You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way.”