I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
People say that laughter is the best medicine...my face must be curing the world!
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs...
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!