The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
Sarcastic One-Liners
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique... Just like everyone else...
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.
''Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans."
''Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here."
''I don't have a welcome mat at my door because I'm not a liar."
''I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time."
''I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”