“I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
Sarcastic One-Liners
“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.”
A bank robber walked over to one of his hostages and said: "Did you see my face?" "Yes," said the hostage. And then the robber shot him dead. Then he.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
“If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
I would explain it to you, but I’m all out of puppets and crayons.