My buddy set me up on a blind date and said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Now I feel like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.
Sarcastic One-Liners
It's not peer pressure, it's just your turn.
So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter.
I know smoking is bad for me but my mama told me never to be a quitter.
Not hiring someone because they have tattoos completely ignores the fact that they clearly have no issues with pain or commitment.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.
I love how in horror movies the person will ask, "Is anyone there?" As if the killer would say "Oh yeah I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! There's too much of it.