"Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot."
Sarcastic One-Liners
"Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don't even work at."
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
"It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy."
"When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark."
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
"Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late."
"Instead of 'have a nice day,' I think I'll start saying, 'have the day you deserve.' You know, let karma sort things out."