I love how in horror movies the person will ask, "Is anyone there?" As if the killer would say "Oh yeah I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
Sarcastic One-Liners
They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! There's too much of it.
I'm at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It's the law.
I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog.
My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
Never tell a woman that her place is in the kitchen. That's where the knives are kept.