My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Yep... I got outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.
People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?
A wise man once said... Nothing, he was wise, so he only listened.
Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.
I'm not sure if I lost my camo pants or if they're just doing a really good job.
Can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's an escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Think it's time for a new keyboard.
People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.
If at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common.