I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly."
Sarcastic One-Liners
“If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
''I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.
Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really...
''I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
I love my life, but it just wants to be friends...
Going to temple/church/mosque doesn’t make you a human, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car...