I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.
Sarcastic One-Liners
There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.
Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.
"Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what's on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward."
A parent's job is basically a daily struggle to help a crazy person stay alive.
Behind every successful man, you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.
My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.
Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.
The thinnest book in the world must be titled "What Men Know About Women."