“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
Sarcastic One-Liners
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
“You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way.”
“When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.”
"You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.”
Always remember that you are absolutely unique... Just like everyone else...
“Life’s good, you should get one.”
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!