I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.
Sarcastic One-Liners
''Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans."
''Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here."
''I don't have a welcome mat at my door because I'm not a liar."
''I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time."
''I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
''I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly."
I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.
Facebook is telling me to ’reconnect’ with my brother...hmmm, I see him everyday
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!