''There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage."
Sarcastic One-Liners
''I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
“I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.”
A bank robber walked over to one of his hostages and said: "Did you see my face?" "Yes," said the hostage. And then the robber shot him dead. Then he turned to the next man and asked: "Did you see my face?" "No," he said...
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
“If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”