“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
Sarcastic One-Liners
“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
"Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot."
"Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don't even work at."
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
"It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy."
"When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark."
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”