“Life’s good, you should get one.”
Sarcastic One-Liners
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.”
"Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day."
“When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.”
“It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.”