I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Sarcastic One-Liners
Why play so hard to get when you are already so hard to want?
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
You can’t be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.
''I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.