“When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.”
Sarcastic One-Liners
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
"An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
''A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
“Sarcasm is not an attitude. It is an art.”