Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Sarcastic One-Liners
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them...
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.