It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...
Sarcastic One-Liners
Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
You have not been yourself lately. We have all noticed the improvement.
“When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.”
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you’re abusing the privilege.”
“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
"The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I'm way worse."