"Being an adult is looking both ways before you cross the street and getting hit by an airplane."
Author: juhy
"They say good things take time... That’s why I’m always late.”
"Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?"
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
"Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot."
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
“Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.”
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”