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”Why would someone….
“Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?”
Dangerous Age
An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model.
He goes to his doctor for a checkup a couple of weeks before the wedding date.
The doctor looks him over and says, “Bill, you seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing.”
“What’s that?”, asks the millionaire.
“At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care, it could be really deadly” the doctor replies.
On the wedding night, Bill and his wife retire to their newlyweds suite and the young bride undresses down to a sexy lingerie. Bill admires his beautiful new wife and remembering what his doctor said, thinks to himself, “What the hell, if she dies, she dies.”
”Oh, you hate….
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Need Money
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it.
Mom said, ‘Sure, sweetie. I’ll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?’
‘Uh, oh yeah, OK,’ responded the kid.
So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.
When she gets back, Dad asked, ‘Well how much did you give the boy this time?
Mom said, ‘Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000′
‘That’s $1020!!!’ yelled Dad, ‘Are you crazy???’
‘Don’t worry hon,’ Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, ‘I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19!’
”Sometimes the first….
“Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.”
Living to a 100
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
“Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret to my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
He replied, “Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”