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”When people ask….
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
Something Nice for Dad
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, “Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.”
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
“Well,” said the other brother, “You said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.”
Anniversary Gift
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset and she told him: “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!!!”
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale with a note from Bob: “Happy Anniversary, Darling! I hope it’s the model you wished for.”
”A positive attitude…
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
New Admission Rules
A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.
He queries the first candidate:”What was your annual salary, and what was your profession? “I made $150,000 as an Attorney” comes the reply. “You may enter” says the Angel.
Second candidate, same question. “I made $95,000, I was a realtor.” He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man’s turn.
“My annual salary was $8,000.” “Cool!” replies the Angel, “and what instrument did you play?”