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Agreeable Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speaker phone on and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops talking.
MAN: ”Hello?”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN:”I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: ”How much?”
WOMAN: “$50,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Kate and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is?”
”Sarcasm helps me….
“Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.”
Secret Project
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto maker for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, S—!”
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, hold my beer and watch this!”
”When people ask….
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
Something Nice for Dad
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, “Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.”
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
“Well,” said the other brother, “You said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.”
Anniversary Gift
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset and she told him: “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!!!”
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale with a note from Bob: “Happy Anniversary, Darling! I hope it’s the model you wished for.”