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Light Goes On
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, “George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
George replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it. When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on. When I’m done, poof! the light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife. “Ethel,” he says, “George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?”
“No, dear God!” Ethel exclaims. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
If you can…….
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
”A positive attitude……
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
Advertising Secretary
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, “Is that for sale?” “Of course not!” she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, “Then, I suggest you quit advertising it.”
Cheating Wife
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a brothel.
The guy said to the cabbie, “Wanna make a $ 100?” The cabbie replied, “Sure, what do I have to do?”.
The guy said, “Go inside, grab my wife and put her in the back of the cab.” So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the brothel gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, “Here hold her!!”
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, “This is not my wife!!!”.
The cabbie replies, “I know. This one’s mine. I am going back for yours now!!”
Sometimes the only…….
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!