If College Students Wrote the Bible

Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
The reason why Cain killed Abel was because Abel was just a terrible roommate. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five – double-spaced and written in a large font.
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.
Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov.
A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.