Alcoholic Side-Effec

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

1. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a-hole.
3. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
6. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).
8. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
9. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
10. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
11. WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuem, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear”.
13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.