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Yo momma is so……..
yo momma is so big fat and clumsy when she tried to go to wal-mat she tripped over k-mart and landed on target
The Top 16 Surprises at a Nudist Restaurant
16> Let’s just say that getting wasabi in your eye isn’t the
worst thing that can happen.
15> Sizzling hot-plate dishes served with a side of aloe.
14> Who knew all the chefs at Benihana were Jewish?
13> Turns out silicone repels drawn butter, making lobster bibs
unnecessary.
12> Their claim for “Best Sticky Buns in Town” refers to their
vinyl seats.
11> Paris Hilton banned from entering. Hey, they’ve
got to maintain *some* standards.
10> The cook steadfastly refuses to budge from his “no bacon”
rule.
9> You’d be amazed how many straws and extra napkins a
waitress can tuck into a fat roll.
8> The waiters all wear thong hairnets.
7> Surprisingly,
it’s easier to choke down snails when you’ve got boobs to look at.
6> “Waiter, there’s soup in my hair!” frequently heard
throughout the evening.
5> When you take out your credit card to pay, the
cashier bends over and asks you to swipe it.
4> The napkin goes *under* your lap.
3> Waiters no longer have to take the soup back to the
kitchen in order to get their revenge.
2> Thanks to its extended “sneeze” guard, the salad
bar looks like the popemobile.
1> “I beg your pardon, sir — I thought you were
signaling for the check.”
[ The Top 5 List
www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2005 by Chris
White ]
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.You've
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.You’ve got more guns “On Display” than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
Busted Blonde
Three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss, Ms. Taylor, left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that when their boss left, they would all leave early too. The next day, when their boss left, they did too. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick workout before her dinner date. The Blonde went home, walked into her bedroom, and saw her husband in bed with her boss. So she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head talked about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. “No,” she says, “yesterday I nearly got caught!”
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual…
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee
listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the
streets.” Ole got up from his coffee and replies “Jeez, okay.”
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
morning coffee and the weather forecast is, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.” Ole got up from his coffee and replies, “Jeez, okay.”
Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and then the power went out and Ole didn’t get the rest of the instructions.
He says to Lena, “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?”
Lena replies, “Aw, Ole, yust leave the car in the garage.”
Bin Laden's Surprise
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There he is greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, “This is not what I was promised!” An angel replies: “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”