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Before you marry……
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
Maybe next time
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part or a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congradulated him. And then he said “Thats good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”
They’ve been…..
They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.
Dancing Duck
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn’t dance a single step!””So?” asked the ducks’ former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”
Scientists have recently…..
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.
The Male and Female Housefly
There lived a husband and a wife.One afternoon,the man came from work and saw his wife in the kitchen stragling with house
flies.He asked,dear what is the matter?.
She answered,am killing house flies.
He was suprised and repeated,HOUSE FLIES????
Yes she answered,I got two males and three females.
Then he ask,how did you know?
She answered,the males were on the beer bottle and the females were on the telephone.