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I think they……
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
Tackle box
This guy came home from work and said to his wife, “I need a vacation. I’m too stressed out. I think I’ll go fishing for the weekend.”
“Okay,” she says. “I’ll pack for you.”
So she packs for him and he goes away for the weekend. When he comes back he says, “Wow, I feel a lot better now!”
“How did I pack?” the wife asks.
“You did fine, except you forgot my pajamas,” he replies.
“No I didn’t,” she says. “I didn’t have enough room in your bag so I put them in your tackle box!”
Light Goes On
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, “George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
George replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it. When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on. When I’m done, poof! the light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife. “Ethel,” he says, “George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?”
“No, dear God!” Ethel exclaims. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
If you can…….
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
”A positive attitude……
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
Advertising Secretary
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, “Is that for sale?” “Of course not!” she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, “Then, I suggest you quit advertising it.”