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25th Anniversary
After celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a romantic dinner at a restaurant, the wife thanked her husband for a wonderful evening.
“It’s not over yet,” he said, and once back at the house, he presented her with a little black velvet box. She opened it in eager anticipation, but found nothing more than two pills inside.
“What are these pills?” she asked, puzzled.
“Aspirin.”
“But I don’t have a headache.”
“Gotcha!” he cried triumphantly.
I’m killing time….
I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
”Having children makes….
“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.”
Golfing Incident
A husband decides to join his wife for the first time playing golf. He’s never really been into the game, but since his wife was playing with all these men around, he wanted to come and check it out.
All day long he complains: About the heat, about the other people, about how long it’s taking…
They are on the 9th green when suddenly he collapses from a heart attack!
“Help me,” he groans to his wife.
The wife calls 911 on her cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up her putter, and lines up her putt.
Her husband raises his head off the green and stares at her. “I’m dying over here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the wife calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”
“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” he asks feebly.
“No time at all,” says his wife. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”
Empty Seat
A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.
The guy sitting next to him says, “Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been together since we got married in 1967.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” says the first man. “Couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“Nope,” replies the second guy. “Everyone’s at the funeral.”