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” Sometimes the amount….
“Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”
Tough Boss
A guy walks into his boss’ office and asks for a day off.
His boss replies, “So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!”
Guess Game
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car and began driving around in the country.
At one point, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. “If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?” she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
“You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?” The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try.
“You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog!”
”Always remember that……
Always remember that you are absolutely unique… Just like everyone else…
Show and Tell
I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.” So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
“Just a minute.” she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk. “Well, come on,” she said, “we don’t have much time.”
Being that it was my first time, I was done within a minute.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown, “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.
I said, “I sure did.” and held up my thumb to show her.