Home
THANKS TO YOU……
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Funny Scam
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: “The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company”
My wife just…..
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!
First Drink
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can,
with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink!”
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, “Take another drink! Take another drink!!” The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses,
shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly the bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, “He should’ve quit while he was a head.”
Work Problems
Two neighbors were talking about work. One said, “I hate my job, our foreman just decided that we were only going to get 15 minute break twice a day because some people have been taking naps during the longer breaks and were sluggish once woken.”
The other neighbor said, “I got fired this week and have to look for a new job.”
The first one asked, “Say, why did the foreman fire you?”
The other replied, “Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work? Well, I have been doing a lot of that lately and my foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman.”
Sometimes the only…..
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!