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First Day of School
Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, “What’s wrong?”
Nervous, the kid asks, “How long do I have to go to school for?”
“Until you’re 18”, says the father.
The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly. When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says, “Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
”Love is a fire……
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
Twelve Shots
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”
The guy says, ” you would be drinking fast too, if you had what I have.”
“What do you have,” asks the bartender.
The guy answers, “75 cents.”
”If you wrote down…..
“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
”It might look….
“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.”
Sleeping Aid
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”
“And the nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”
“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”
“No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet … and that’s it. I go out like a light.”
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. “What are you people doing?!” he says, “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”
“Oh, yes,” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”