Home
Twelve Shots
May 3, 2024
No Comments
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”
The guy says, ” you would be drinking fast too, if you had what I have.”
“What do you have,” asks the bartender.
The guy answers, “75 cents.”
”If you wrote down…..
May 3, 2024
No Comments
“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
”It might look….
May 2, 2024
No Comments
“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.”
Sleeping Aid
May 2, 2024
No Comments
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
“How are you, Grandpa?” he asks.
“Feeling fine,” says the old man.
“What’s the food like?”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”
“And the nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”
“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”
“No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet … and that’s it. I go out like a light.”
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. “What are you people doing?!” he says, “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”
“Oh, yes,” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”
“And the nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”
“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”
“No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet … and that’s it. I go out like a light.”
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. “What are you people doing?!” he says, “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”
“Oh, yes,” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”
”When people ask ….
May 1, 2024
No Comments
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
Curing Fears
May 1, 2024
1 Comment
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink in search of a solution.
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year”, said the shrink.
“Come talk to Me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?”, he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?”, and, with a bit of an attitude, the doctor said, “and just how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year”, said the shrink.
“Come talk to Me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?”, he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?”, and, with a bit of an attitude, the doctor said, “and just how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”