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”I think they picked…..
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
Special Haircut
A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.
The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left.
She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.
After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on spot.
Confused about what happened, the stylist put on the headphones and she heard the recording say “breath in, breath out.”
Married Life
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Dear Lord, there is……
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it…
Pregnancy Test
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! She said, “I have some really great news! I’m pregnant!!!”
I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!” Then she said, “There’s more.”
I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?” She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said “Well, I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”
Today a man knocked……
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.