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”Everyone has the…..
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
Stranger at a Bar
An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him the woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?”
The man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly.
The woman speaks up first and says “I’m a prostitute and it’s going to be $100 for my service.”
The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to go back to that bar.
The man starts his car, turns on his taxi meter and says: “It’s going to be $150 for the ride here and back.”
Mortician’s Call
A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, “There’s no charge.”
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,” she says.
“Honestly, ma’am it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads.”
”If you think….
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
”A prisoner of war……
“A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.”
12 shots
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as
he can.
The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”
The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.”
The bartender says, “What do you have?”
The guy says, “75 cents.”