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Railway Job
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector asked, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”
Billy Bob replied, “I would switch the points for one of the trains.”
“What if the lever broke?” asked the inspector.
“Then I’d dash down out of the signal box,” said Billy Bob, “and I’d use the manual lever over there.”
“What if that had been struck by lightning?”
“Then,” Billy Bob continued, “I’d run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“Well in that case,” persevered Billy Bob, “I’d rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.”
“What if that was vandalized?”
“Oh, well then I’d run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.”
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
Billy Bob answered, “Well, Uncle Lester ain’t never seen a train wreck!”
Ring the Bell
Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.”
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”
“I just want to know why you can’t ring the bell for yourself?”
Learning To Fly
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs, and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
Medical School Exam
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.
One of the questions asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Dead Mule
A pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department.There he was told since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. But the sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me any way? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”
The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!”
Emergency Response
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times.
“Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”
“Not bad,” the second paramedic commented, “but by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we cut our average response time by 20 percent.”
“That’s nothing” said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our average response time in half!”